The-Courier-recoveringnoah

First of all, thank you so much for the sweet comments after my last post. They really meant a lot. I know that I am absolutely terrible about responding to comments, but please know that I read each one and that I love getting them. I always have the best intentions of responding, but unless I do it right away then I forget. So I just wanted to thank everyone who's been commenting on the Days of Giving posts. Thank you!

Secondly, wow! Here I thought the Days of Giving were going to be a big life lesson for the kids... had no idea I was the one who was going to learn the lesson.

I think in a lot of ways I feel so out of control with what's going on with the kids. We've tried so many different therapies and all and have seen very little progress in most areas. And I guess I just thought that maybe I could at least teach them to be caring. I have no control over most of their special needs and issues going on, but I wanted to at least "leave my mark" and have them grow into caring people.

But I was just trying too hard and had way too many expectations. I mean, they're just kids and I was expecting them to turn into Mother Theresa overnight. And it was really stressing me out. I mean, the irony is that this was going to be our most simple Christmas ever. The kids are getting one present each from Santa (plus a stocking filled some old fashioned sweets from the Mennonite store) and one present from us. 95% of our gifts for Christmas were bought ages ago - and we bought online. The atmosphere was so laid back this year and then I go and put this enormous amount of pressure on myself and the kids.

I'm such a schlump.

The thing is, looking back on my childhood, my parents never had a 12 Days of Giving. They didn't sponsor orphans from abroad. We didn't go to soup kitchens on Christmas Day. We didn't even do the Angel Tree at the mall. They didn't shove serving others down our throats.

BUT.... what I do remember is that my dad always gave money whenever he saw a homeless person on the side of the road. And he always gave gas money if someone approached him at the gas station. And my mom was a caregiver for every single elderly person she met. She was always dragging us here and there to drop off homemade treats and baskets and such. And you know what? They never gave us a lecture on it - on how important it is to give. They certainly didn't scrapbook about it or journal it or write down every good deed in a diary. They just quietly did it because that's what you do. And my brother and I watched them do it over the years and it just became normal.

It became something you just do because it's just normal to help others.

And my kids will probably learn to become givers because that's what they'll see their parents do.

(I hope they also don't become grammatically incompetent because that's what how their mom is - yikes!).

I'm not a scrapbooker. I love the idea of it, but I don't have the supplies. I don't have the tools. I don't have the money. And I was putting so much pressure on myself to capture each giving day on a scrapbook page and it was ridiculous. I'm a perfectionist and it was killing me that I didn't know what I was doing. And I was in a bad mood and I dreaded taking photos and I dreaded blogging and I was just a grumpy, grumpy person to be around.

So I took the last few days off (from blogging, not giving) and it has been wonderful! We still gave, but the pressure was off and I just spent a lot of time hanging out with the kids. Eli said, "Wow, Mom, you're becoming strong! Your good mood is getting strong and you're becoming fun to play with. Hey, you're almost as fun as Daddy!".

That says it all, doesn't it? That my kids need ME, not a saint. (Oh, and to you RAD parents, did you notice the wording Eli used? How Nancy Thomas is that?! lol)

Anyway, regarding the Days of Giving....

On the 9th Day, Monday, we went to our local library and donated the children's book Listen to the Wind by Greg Mortenson. He's the same guy who wrote Three Cups of Tea and this is the children's version. We also bought paper towels and copier paper to give them. The librarians were shocked. One lady said, "Did you know that we're plumb out of copy paper?!" It was a great moment....

And then Nandi leaned over, grabbed herself, and started screaming, "I have to poopoo! I have to poopoo! Mommy, I have to poop!"

It was... uh.... nasty. Turns out little Miss N has come down with a stomach virus. In the library.

Next on the library giving list.... toilet paper.

(Never a dull moment, eh?)

For the 10th day of giving, we gave fruit and nut baskets to our neighbors. I saw similar baskets for $16.00 at Walmart and they only had a couple of pieces of fruit in them. So, we bought some baskets at Dollar Tree (oh how I love you, Dollar Tree), along with basket bags and ribbon and then comped some fruit at Walmart.

Do you know about comping? That Walmart will match any competitor's price on the same item? We get tons of cheap things that way - ex: 8 avocados for a $1!! Anyway, we comped fruit and then CVS has Planter's mixed nuts on sale 2/$5 and then the kids made some more white chocolate peppermint bark and we put a bag of that in, too. It ended up costing about $7 per basket, but they turned out much fuller and nicer ( and cheaper!) than the ones in the store.

And today, for the 11th Day of Giving, we're driving to Dallas for a doctor's appt, but making a stop off at a friend's house and delivering a basket of wine, cheeses, fruit, and chocolates for a family that recently moved to the U.S.

Several years ago, when I was working in International Education, we had a 18 year old student from Uzbekistan live with us. She stayed for almost 3 years and then found a place of her own. Eventually, she graduated and went on to a really nice job in the Dallas area. Her sister came over and did her undergrad and graduate degrees, and now, a few months ago, her parents came over. Even though Liza was our "adopted daughter" for many years, we rarely get to see her anymore. We're all so busy now. So, the kids and I are bringing a basket over to her house this afternoon. She'll be at work, but her parents will be there and my kids will get to practice a few words in Russian and gets lots of hugs and pats on the heads. I'm looking forward to seeing them.

I have no idea what's planned for tomorrow. But I'm realizing that maybe the best gifts aren't really planned at all. Like when Eli noticed that someone waved at us when we let them pass us on the highway. Or how he commented on the fact that I let an elderly women in front of me at Walmart.

I certainly didn't scrapbook about it or even comment on it at all. He just happened to notice.... much in the same way that I used to notice my mom and dad when they did things like that when I was a kid.

Funny how that works....

Happy 11th Day of Giving!

I haven't done a scrapbook yet for today's Gift of Giving because it hasn't happened yet. All day - and I mean, literally all day , I've been working on some stupid craft project for this family that moved into our neighborhood last month. I was going to make a plate of felt gingerbread men play food and put them on a baking tray and give it to the neighbor's children along with a cute Christmas apron and oven mitt and spatula from Dollar Tree. I thought the little kids would love it.

But the problem is... while working hours and hours on end cutting out felt and spending an hour and a half trying to thread embroidry floss through the wrong needle and all that nonsense, I was neglecting my own children.

Today has been horrible. I've wasted hours on a craft that didn't pan out. My children have been fighting all day long. Noah has been neglected. And for what? So that I can look all good with my cute little craft and blog about it?

Why? What's the point? I'm learning that giving is GREAT when it's from the heart. But giving out of obligation - like saying that I'll blog about 12 straight days of it - that's a pain in the butt. It takes the fun out of giving.

I know there are blogs out there where the mom is the most crafty person in the world. You know, the ones who make slipper socks out of old wool sweaters that they felted themselves. And they seem to take the most beautiful photos ever. And they manage to blog 6 times a day while taking care of countless children. And their house is always spotless and they manage to make gourmet organic foods on a budget of $35 a month. And their kids are perfect. And their kids are healthy. And they don't have to deal with issues like autism, and RAD, and anxiety. And somehow, they manage to homeschool their kids, too.

But I'm not like that.

And for some reason, it just boiled over today. It's OKAY that I'm not like that. It's OKAY that I burn my eggs and it is OKAY that I can't sew and it is OKAY that my photos are dark and blurry. I'm me. And I'm OKAY.

But what's not okay is ignoring my kids for the sake of making a good presentation. Maybe other moms can manage it all, but I can't.

And that's OKAY.

So, today, for the 8th Day of Giving, I'm putting down the felt and I'm going to give my kids
the gift of time.

I'm going to round them up and we're going to swing by Nonna & Papa's and we're going to see the Prairie Lights in Grand Prairie. It's spectacular and I know they'll love it. And maybe we'll even drive through McDonald's. And maybe we'll turn the radio up really loud and sing off-key. And maybe, just maybe, we'll create a memory that no scrapbook page can ever match.

And that will be OKAY with me.

I'll be back tomorrow with a new Day of Giving (it's an easy one tomorrow). I'm not going to give up because we're almost through... but it does give new meaning to charity begins at home.

Sorry for the late post. I had to interrupt yesterday's regularly scheduled program for an emotional breakdown. But I'm better now.

Yesterday, the kids woke up at 5:30 in the morning and we spent the next three hours making homemade dog treats for the neighborhood dogs.

We used this recipe HERE. I don't use bouillon cubes, so we kept that out and substituted chicken broth for the boiling water. We also used applesauce instead of margarine. And we used Christmas Tree and Gingerbread Man cookie cutters to cut them out.

Oh my! They were adorable.

Oh, and we brushed some chicken broth on top of the cutouts before we put them in the oven and then turned them over after 15 minutes and brushed chicken broth on the other side for 15 minutes.

Can I tell you a secret? My kids loved them.

That's right. My kids devoured them. One of them actually threw a little temper tantrum because he wanted more.

Our family is so jacked up.

Now, the truth is, there's nothing in there that people can't eat. Some flour, some rolled oats, some milk, some cheese, a little bit of broth, 1/3 cup of applesauce, and one egg.

But just the thought that my kids were eating the treats we were making for the neighborhood dogs, well, it did make me roll my eyes and shudder a bit.

We ended up making four bags. One for our dog, Ginger, who, along with my children, served as the official doggy treat tester. Then we made a bag for my mom's dog, Shiloh. Shiloh's BFF and sister just had to be put down a few weeks ago. This is the first time that Shiloh's been alone in 9 years, so she's still grieving quite a bit.

We also made a bag for the adorable golden lab who lives across the street. Her owner passed away from cancer last month and she's so sad. She's the sweetest thing ever and my heart breaks for her. She gets so excited everytime a white pick-up drives by...

And then we made a bag for our resident guard dog, Buster. I'm not sure what kind of dog he is, but he's big and huge and scary looking. He roams the neighborhood and frightens all the burglars and UPS men away. The truth is, though, that's he's a real pussycat and a big teddybear.

Susie and Buster's owners weren't home, so we had to leave the treat bags in their mailbox. But we were able to go to my mom's yesterday and Shiloh wolfed her treats down in about 5 seconds flat.

Score!

And, then, for breakfast this morning, Eli polished off the leftovers with a nice glass of milk.

Come to think of it, we often did have to get him out of the dog food bowl when he was a toddler.....

Happy 7th Day of Giving! I'll be back tonight with the 8th Day of Giving.

It's been a pretty rough day today. The kids have been at it all day (and afternoon AND evening). I've been feeling queasy the last two days. Noah's been sick since last Sunday. And to top it off, we went to my mom's today where we found some old VHS tapes of Noah before he had autism. Haven't seen the videos in 7 years. Oh my, they messed me up pretty bad. He was so healthy and so alert and so on target with everything. The memories just came flooding back. I'm pretty much an emotional wreck right now.

I'll be back in the morning to blog about our 7th Day of Giving and then back tomorrow afternoon or evening to blog about the 8th Day... .although I don't even know what we're doing yet for tomorrow's day.

Off to console myself with chocolate chip oatmeal cookies, a hot water bottle, and a Vicar of Dibley marathon.

See you in the morning.

"On the 5th Day of Giving, my true love gave to me.....One extra book, bought from Kohl's Cares for Kids, For Nandi's Pre-K Christmas parteeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee"

Do ya'll know about the Kohl's Cares for Kids books? I love them!! About every 3 or 4 months, Kohl's picks 4 hardback children's books and sells them for $5.00 a piece. AND each book comes with an optional matching stuffed animal. AND all the profits go to supporting health and education opportunities for children across the nation.

They pick some really great books. Books that would normally cost about $16.99 for a hardback... and they sell them for a fiver. Love it!

We usually give these books for Christmas or birthday presents - and one year even donated some to our local library. Sim even brought some with him to Wales when he visited his family last February.

I guess you could say I'm slightly obsessed with them.

Anyway, Nandi's teacher sent out a letter asking us to bring one book ($5 and under) for the annual Pre-K Christmas party.

And then she asked if we could bring an extra one just in case someone forgot one or couldn't afford to buy one. Come one... like I need an excuse to buy an extra Kohl's Cares for Kids book! Of course we jumped on it.

This season, the books are those cute little "If you gave a cat a cupcake" and "If you gave a moose a muffin" books. In fact, you can see what's for offer RIGHT HERE .

(Isn't that plush mouse adorable??!!)

So, Nandi decided that she wanted to give If You Take a Mouse to the Movies. So we gave Nonna & Papa the money (they were doing some shopping in Mesquite that day) and two days ago, we got the book and Nandi wrapped it up all by herself.

They had the party today and she was so proud of herself. She kept telling everyone, "Look! That's my extra book! That's my extra book!"

She's really taking to all this giving stuff. Out of all three kids, she's the one who really seems to be enjoying it. It's been a pretty rough year for us and so it's been really wonderful to see Nandi so happy right now. She's really does have a sweet, sweet heart.

Happy 5th Day of Giving!!

On the 3rd Day of Giving, the kids decided to help make Christmas candy to give to the Neurology Department at Scottish Rite Hospital.

Well, let me rephrase that. Nandi wanted to make candy. Eli wanted to eat it. And we had to keep swatting Noah (aka: Candy Cane Stealer) away from the kitchen.

In the end, Nandi made a wonderful, but small, batch of White Chocolate Peppermint Bark Christmas Trees. Actually, it was a rather large batch, but, you know, we had to taste it, right?

And let me just tell you. Nandi is getting really good at making desserts. I swear she's just like Betty Crocker.

Well, you know, if Betty Crocker had RAD.

I'm sure Betty Crocker had full kitchen privileges which allowed her to handle knives, can openers, and rolling pins.

Anyway, this is the recipe we used. PEPPERMINT BARK Oooh! Oooh! And Dollar Tree has the Christmas tree molds in stock. Grab 'em up! (We also had enough leftover chocolate to make chocolate dipped candy canes to give to a friend's kids. That's why Nandi and Eli are holding candy canes in the bottom pic).

So, let me tell you why we chose Scottish Rite for the 3rd Day of Giving. Well, it just so happened that we had an appointment there today. BUT.... they are also the most fantastic group of people we've ever had the privilege to know. The hospital is amazing. The staff is amazing. The doctors and nurses are amazing.

It's all just so.... wonderful.

(Come on, you thought I'd say amazing, right?)

And, the best part is that it's all free. Nandi has had botox injections twice. Been casted about 6 times. Her eyes have been checked. She had an EEG. An overnight stay. Countless follow-ups. And it's all free. Oh, and they give the kids toys. And the food in the cafeteria rocks. And there's practically zero staff turn-over.

That says a lot right there.

They have completely taken Nandi in and treated her with the utmost care. I cannot say enough about Scottish Rite. AND... fingers crossed.... they think they might be able to accept Noah as a patient, too, because of his CP. They gave us the paperwork today.

Really good White Chocolate Peppermint Bark = Really good favors.

(kidding!)

We actually asked while we were leaving if they could recommend a good neurologist for Noah, as he didn't qualify for Scottish Rite, but then they talked it over and said to submit the paperwork because he toe walks and does have CP.

I swear we did not try to bribe them with White Chocolate Peppermint Bark. Honest to goodness.

And I'm not whipping up a huge batch for Simeon to take to his boss so that he can get two weeks off to watch the kids while I'm in India. Nope, not me.

But, no, seriously, we chose the Neurology Department at Scottish Rite because they give 110% of themselves to working with children with special needs. And they do it for free, which means every child with an orthopedic problem is able to get the best care in the field - regardless of how much money their parents make.

They are angels on earth. They really are.

Okay, regarding the scrapbook page. Ahhhh, I'm a lazy duck. Two pictures on wrapping paper background with gift tags telling us who the gifts were for... heee heeee.

You know you're a redneck scrapbooker if....

Happy 3rd Day of Giving! 9 more to go and then it's Christmas!

P.S. I want to buy one of those metallic or gel pens so that I can write "On the 3rd Day of Giving..." on the page. Any suggestions?

P.P.S. If you click on the picture you get a really good close-up of Nandi's face covered in chocolate bark and Eli's lips have about 6 candy canes' worth of red dye #40 on them. And Nandi's got a sad little dirty tear streaking down her face in the bottom picture because she broke a candy cane and thought she was in big trouble. Never a dull moment!

Welcome to the 1st Day of Christmas Giving!

In all fairness, we actually did this yesterday and scrapbooked it today. We went to Dollar Tree and sitting outside in the cold, rainy weather was a woman with two children who were huddled under a blanket. They had a made a few pies and were trying to sell them to raise money for a single mother that they know.

Having done bake sales before, and knowing how crushing it is when no one wants to buy anything, I'm now a certified sucker for any bake sale that I come across. This was a tiny little one, and honestly, it looked horrible. I completely judged the lady at first. (I'm very ashamed of it). She was chain smoking, had make-up smudged all over face, and was missing her front teeth. My immediate reaction was that there was no way I was going to eat anything from that bake sale.

My next reaction was that no one else would buy anything either, and that broke my heart.

So, we forked over $2.00 for a sack of four mini muffins and gave her an extra dollar that I had in my pocket.

Well, we got to talking and the lady was the nicest lady. Oh my word. She also has a grandson who has autism. And she knew everything about autism. I mean, everything. All the treatments, you name it. She was super educated on it. It blew me away. And I felt so terrible for judging her. What was I thinking??

Hmmm... you think maybe God intended for the real lesson of the day to be aimed at me and not the kids??

So, I got the kids in the car, and before I could think about what I was doing, I went back up and gave her a $20 bill. It actually came out of our grocery money for the week (along with the $3 I paid for the cupcakes and $21 I spent in Dollar Tree buying scrapbook supplies. Sorry, Simeon!). Which has left us with $36 for groceries for this week. Ouch.

But you know what? $36 for a week of food may not sound like a lot, but it's so more much than the majority of the world has, isn't it? I can't really complain. And Sim made a delicious breakfast this morning out of milk, cabbage, eggs, and pepper (all fried up). Delicious and very cheap.

We are really blessed.

Anyway, the kids woke up this morning and Eli said, "You know what today is? It's the first day of Giving!" And Nandi said, "Yeah, we helped that lady!", so it was really nice knowing that it made a little impression on them.

Then we made a scrapbook page to remember it. Okay, my disclaimer is that I'm not a scrapbooker, don't have any scrapbook supplies, and couldn't even tell you what acid-free paper is all about. So, I just bought some wrapping paper at Dollar Tree, some Christmas cards, gift tags, stickers, and gift card holders and that's what I'll be using this year.

The $20 above was scanned on our printer (oops, didn't know that was illegal until Sim pointed it out.), and the reindeer holder is actually a gift card holder. The border is a border on some wrapping paper that I printed out. And voila! A super cheap scrapbook page to kick off the 12 Days of Giving.

Stay tuned for tomorrow to see what happens next...

P.S. Please don't think that our family is some really giving, super amazing family with perfect kids. (Okay, did those of you who know us just burst into laughter just then??) Look, we still do Santa and, in fact, the kids have been counting down Santa since last Christmas. As for me... just walking into Target this time of year gives me the super-wants. And Sim? Well, Sim truly is actually a saint. He could live in the wilderness with a backpack and a walking stick and never be happier. The point is... we're trying. That's all. We're just trying and hoping and praying that it soaks in and the kids grow wanting to help others. And sometimes we want to beat our heads against the wall - like this morning when our middle child raged for 2 1/2 hours - but we keep truckin' along.

I just wanted to point that out b/c I didn't want anyone to think that I think that everyone else thinks that I think (boy, that's a lot of thinking!) that we're just so incredibly awesome and perfect and never make mistakes and my kids freely give their spending money to buy shoes for orphans and would rather visit a national park instead of Disney World. Haaah! Are you kidding? If that was the case, we wouldn't need to be actively pursuing 12 Days of Giving, would we? It'd be something that we just did normally.

But, having said that, I have to give a big shout-out to three kids who truly are self-sacrificing: Emily, Laurel, and Abby Holt. They've given up their Christmas presents this year in order to have the money that'd be spent on presents go towards buying a trampoline for the kids at Sarah's Covenant Homes.

Now, THAT, is truly wonderful.

Merry Christmas, Holt kids.

One of my Facebook friends from high school just posted this on her status update:

(From her SIL).... I work with special needs 1st-5th graders. The kids would love to get Christmas cards from all around the United States. This will teach them about geography, friendship as well as, how awesome it feels to get a piece of mail. You can mail ...cards to: T.E. Baxter 1050 Park Place Blvd. Midlothian, TX 76065 C/O CBI Class. THANK YOU !!!


If any of you have a moment, would you please send a Christmas card to these special little kids? Wouldn't it be awesome to flood the school with cards that are specifically addressed to the CBI class? You know... the class that probably always gets left out. Let's let everyone know that kids with special needs are precisely that... SPECIAL!

Thank you so much!!!

Oh, and if you do send a card, can you let me know so that I can get all emotional and weepy? Because as you all know, I love nothing better than a good ol' cry brought on by a good deed.

Okay, call me a Scrooge. Call me the Grinch. Call me heartless. In fact, call me any name you like... but I cannot stand that annoying Christmas Shoes song. And, along the same lines, I absolutely detest that whole Butterfly Kisses song, too.

I know. I know. Someone take away my Mom Card.

Here's the thing. They are sappy, overly sentimental, and designed specifically to tug at your heartstrings. You know, like things that I normally love. Like Hallmark Card commericals and puppies and KLTY's "Christmas Wishes" that give me rivers of running mascara every morning.

But Christmas Shoes? To me, I just imagine a bunch of songwriters sitting around thinking,

"Hey! Let's write a song about a little boy whose mommy is dying and how he wants to buy her some special shoes before she goes to meet Jesus. Yeah, yeah! And we'll have this scrooge guy get really touched by the little boy and buy the shoes for him. Oooooh, we'll heavily market it and make millions!"

And, then, of course, they go out and do a made for TV movie about it... which I only watched because it had Rob Lowe in it and, you know, he had me at Outsiders. (Back when he was with Melissa Gilbert and way before the whole nanny controversy).

So, anyway, to make a long story even longer, I've always dreaded that song coming on the radio. I knew that without fail, I would hear it at least 3 times a day for an entire month. So, I'd hurriedly switch the radio station to anything else.... which is kinda jarring when you go from listening to Christmas songs all day and suddenly something like, "Drop it low to the flo" comes on.

But I digress.

The point is... I can't stand the song. Being in the perhaps .01% of the population who recognizes it for the smarm it is actually made me proud. I can see through your marketing ploy, you songwriters!

So we get into the car this morning, turn on the radio, and I don't even have to tell you what song they were playing.

Christmas Shoes.

And right when I reached to turn the station, I noticed a familiar emotion welling up inside me. And my eyes started to smart. And a little, tiny lump formed in my throat. And despite everything in me that said, "Stop! Don't cross to the dark side!" I actually listened to the song.... and cried.

AAAAARRRRGGGGGGHHH!!!

Now, I'm already a blubbering fool about literally everything, but now I have officially lost the last shread of diginity that I have.... there's no turning back. I am officially, 100% a crybaby.

Hello. My name is Leslie. I have no dignity. I have no shame. I am also currently available for any recordings, commericals, TV shows, or movies that require crying on demand.

So, there you have it. Through clenched teeth, but wet cheeks, I sat and listened to the entire Christmas Shoes song. This is not the first time I've listened to it completely, but it's the first time I cried at it and didn't go into a monologue about all that's wrong with it.

And don't you know that ticked me off.

So, I listened. I cried. And that's the story.

I can't do anything about it, so I'm just going to embrace it.

But I absolutely, positively, 100% will NOT download it.

This is for the legion of readers who've flocked over here from Corey's blog because for some unknown reason she mentioned that I look (and the caps are all hers) JUST LIKE JILLIAN MICHAELS from The Biggest Loser.

What? You don't buy it? You think that picture looks suspiciously like Jenny McCarthy's body from her Shape cover last spring?? Oh, Corey. You do have some smart readers.

Okay, I confess. My friend Chantelle did kinda get really, really creative with the photoshop after reading my lament about Jenny McCarthy's "yoga inspired body" in one of last April's blog posts.

But what am I meant to do? I have tons and tons of Corey readers coming over here simply because Corey took too much NyQuil (or something) and decided to blog.

I mean... have you actually seen what Jillian Michaels looks like?

In my defense, I know this is a tiny picture, but I was afraid that if I posted a close-up, you'd really be able to see that the only things we have in common are:

1. We are both female

2. We both have long brown hair

3. We both desire to be super fit and hot.... but, uh, only one of us has actually achieved that.

So, Corey readers. Thank you for stopping by. Please don't laugh at me. You all have inspired me to dust off my 30 Day Shred video and pop it in the DVD. And let me tell you... that DVD will seriously kick your fat butt into shape. It's awful. It hurts... in a "I feel like I've been run over by a mack truck but it's okay because I want a 19 year old's bohiney" kind of way. And it will absolutely reverse any damage you've done by eating entire crockpots full of cream cheese rotel dip and platters of buckeyes.

Or so I hope.

Intrigued? Interested? Then head over to Corey's blog because I've just donated two, never-opened Jillian Michael's DVD's for Corey's super awesome, totally amazing, this-girl-rocks, raffle. She's got over 26 prizes ready to be dished out... all in the name of raising money for an emergency vehicle in Haiti.

They're a bunch of crazy people.. those Haitian adoptive parents. I mean, a whole bunch of them decided to something good - like raise money for an ambulance - and thought, "Hey, I know what! We'll raise money by running in the 2010 Disney Marathon!"

Say what?

Now, we Indian parents held a nice little bake sale for our fundraiser. Full of soft sugar cookies and warm chewy brownies. But those Haitian parents. No, they go out and do a full marathon.

Show-offs.

A marathon! I mean, are you people crazy?

Apparently so, because 15 of them have signed up and now they're fundraising to help bring in some more money for the ambulance. And Corey is doing a super duper raffle over at her blog. So head on over there and read about it. Plus, Corey's blog is just flat-out funny. She's a RAD mom herself.

Those RAD moms... tsk tsk.. such characters.

So go check it out. Oh, and, dear hubby, can you please head on over there and leave a comment on Corey's blog and tell her that you've seen me in all my glory and that Jillian Michaels doesn't hold a candle to me? It would be such a lie, but would so totally make my day. Thanks, babe!

So, a brief (haha - you know it's going to be long) recap of our Thanksgiving week and the beginning of our Christmas festivities...












Look! It's the Vegas Style cross that Nandi made for the resurrection of our Lord and Savior for Easter this past year.

Which was actually pretty fitting because she also royally tarted herself up like a little Vegas Showgirl with the Hannah Montana Make-Up kit that she found hidden behind some books.

The Hannah Montana make-up kit that she received for her birthday and that I hid approximately 5 minutes after she opened it because she'd already tried to paint Noah's eyelids a very shocking shade of blue. Plus, I seriously think Noah was about to smack her upside the head (and he hurts!), so I expertly diffused the situation. Lesson learned... just throw the gift away. Don't hide it.

And, right now, as I'm typing this, the kids are blowing marshmallows through the marshmallow shooters that I found behind the washing machine that were meant to go in their stockings last year, but I couldn't find them. And let me just say, marshmallow shooters are an excellent speech therapy tool for strengthening mouth muscles. I am seriously considering taking some to India with me, but Sim has already pointed out that there is probably a lack of marshmallow availability in India. But, really, I'm allowed two big bags of luggage. I honestly don't see the problem with taking over 10lbs of marshmallows.... The other ten pounds allowed, would be, of course, toothpaste, dental floss, and legal documents denying responsibiity for any cavities or sugar addictions caused by the suitcase full of marshmallows and marshmallow shooters that were brought over by the American, who, once again, had good intentions.

Anyway, that's it. Thanksgiving is gone and Christmas is on the way. Our stockings are hung and our Christmas tree is decorated in it's usual decor of glow-in-the-dark-planets, Indian-Girls-In-Saris Keychains, and mardi gras beads.

Why yes, we are classy.

I'll give the grand-tour of our Christmas tree at a later date.

And that's it. Hope you all had a fantastic Thanksgiving!

Leslie

Weird title, huh?

So, a few days I ago I was in the library looking for some books to read and I came across some by Sophie Kinsella. She's the one who wrote Confessions of a Shopaholic. I'd never read the book, but loved the movie, so I checked out the two books that the library had... The Undomestic Goddess and Remember Me?. I finished them each in one day. They are THAT good.

Am so loving her at the moment. She's my new favorite author. Good, fun, pure, chick-lit. Love it.

Anyway, so last night I finished Remember Me? which is about a lady who's in an accident and can't remember anything from the last three years... including the fact that she's got a gorgeous husband. After I read it, it made me think what would happen if my husband got amnesia, woke up and found me standing over his bed saying that I was his wife.

I mean, I would be a stranger to him, right? He'd have no idea that we've shared the past 15 1/2 years together. He'd have to fall in love with me all over again. How I am now... not how I was when he fell in love with me when I was 20.

And the only thing that I could think of was, "Oh crap. He would so walk away." I mean, really. I am nothing like the naive young girl he fell in love with. How would it go?......

Hey, honey! It's me, Leslie. Your wife.

You're my wife?

Yeah, sweetie. We've been together for nearly 16 years and married for 13 1/2.

Really? Oh, okay. Well, tell me about us. How did we fall in love?

Well, we met in England. We lived next to each other in the dorms. Look! Here's a picture. (Reach into my bag and pull out a photo album). Look, that's us when we started dating.

(Touching the picture). Wow, you look so different. Your hair's red. (Smiles) You look so alive. And you're.... (eyebrows furrowing)...

Um, well, I was a bit skinnier, then. We have three kids, you know.

Really?

Yeah, they're great! We decided to adopt and voila!

Adopt, I thought maybe you'd given birth... you know (looking at my stomach).

Oh, well, you know. That's what you get when you eat too many fish fingers (laughing nervously).

We eat fish fingers?

Yeah, well, you know, um, we didn't always. (Start to smile). Before we had kids, we went out to eat all the time. We would always eat at this cool Indian restaurant in Dallas... Hey, I'm going to India in January!

(Face brightens) Really? I would love to go to India. When do we leave?

Oh, um, it's actually just me. You're staying with the kids.

What do you mean?

Well, we take separate vacations. It's hard to find a sitter, you know. And, plus, Noah - that's our son - doesn't do well away from home... and, uh...

So, we're married, but we take separate vacations?

It's not as bad as it sounds. Really. You go to England once a year. And you just got back from Yosemite last month.

And you stayed home?

Well, yeah, I mean, we have the kids...

O-kay. So we take separate vacations and we don't go out to eat anymore.

(Looking down. Silence). Um, hey, let's look at some other pictures. Here's one. Look, we're at Glastonbury Festival. Man, we had so much fun.

I wish I could, remember, Leslie. I really do. What's the last concert we went to? Maybe that'll jog my memory.

Oh, well, um, let me think... you mean the last one we went to together? Oh, uh, I think we went to see Delirious in 2002. And before that... um, I can't remember. We haven't really been out since Noah came.

When was that?

7 years ago.

We haven't been out in 7 years??!!

Well, no, I mean, we had a date night last Thanksgiving and three years before that we saw a movie and we went to England for our 10th anniversary.

So, you're telling me that we have separate vacations and we've had one date night in the last three years?

Um, yeah.

What about sex? Surely, I mean, come on....

Oh, sex? Uh, you do remember that we've been together nearly 16 years right?

No. I have amnesia, remember?

Oh, yeah. Oh YEAH! Oh, well, um, yeah, we have sex all the time. All. The. Time. It's awesome. I totally rock your world.

Really! Great. Well let's have it right now. Surely that'll make me remember.

Now? Like, right now? Oh, er, um, huh, well... I have a headache.

(Suspicious). Really? Do you get them a lot?

Um, well, I'm under a lot of stress. You can never plan for a migraine, you know.

Uh-huh, yeah. I believe you.

Plus, I need a shower.

When's the last time you had a shower?

Ummm... five days ago?

Five days ago??!!

Hey, I'm a busy woman!

A stinky woman (he mutters underneath his breath).

Hey, I heard that! (Pause). So, um, here's some more pictures.

(Looking at the photos). You just look so different in these photos.

Well, you know, we were first married and all. (Catch a glimpse of myself in the hospital mirror and my eyes widen at the sight of all the gray wiry hairs sprouting out the top of my head.)

But your eyes look different.

Oh, yeah. I used to pluck. Hurts like the dickens. I don't pluck anymore. (Look in the mirror again. Good grief! Are those fuzzy caterpillars stuck to my eyebrows???)

So, do we like the same things? Watch the same movies? Watch the same shows?

Well, you love PBS. You're quite addicted to some British show called MI-5.

Do we watch it together?

Well, uh, I usually read a book.

I see. You're trying to tell me that you're my wife, but we take separate vacations, never go out, have had one date night in three years, you've stopped taking care of yourself, we don't like the same things, and you, apparently, suffer from headaches... which I imagine, conveniently come on at bedtime. Is that right?

Well, it sounds a lot worse than it is.

It sounds awful! You're a liar. You're an imposter. You're not my wife. I would never stay in a relationship like that. Get out! Get out! Nurse! Nurse!....

Aaaaargh! Can you see what I mean? How did this happen? How did two young people who were so madly in love with each other become so complacent?

Don't get me wrong. My husband and I love each other. We really adore each other. He is my best friend. My favorite person in the world. We can be in the same room doing our own thing, but I feel better just knowing that he's in the room. We complete each other. We really do.

But looking at all the above. What the heck happened?

I mean, life happened. And kids happened. And kids with special needs happened. And we wouldn't change it. But it does change things. It's harder to find a sitter. You can't just run away to New York for the weekend. Heck, we can't run out to dinner and a movie. I mean, not just the sitter, but do you know how much that costs?? Bills happened. Credit cards happened. Becoming a stay-at-home-mom happened. Suddenly 24 hours in a day is no longer enough. We need more hours to get it all done.

I don't mind Sim going to England or going camping. I encourage it. And he's so excited about me going to India. We love to see each other happy. But how far can complacency get you?

What makes a marriage fall apart? We're doing great. We really are. But 10 more years of living like this? 20 more years? Will we feel the same? Will we be one of those couples who's married for 35 years and then splits up?

I don't want that. He doesn't want that. Neither of us wants that.

But what would I do if Sim suffered amnesia and had to fall in love with me all over again? Would he? I'm not the girl he fell in love with... the young, innocent, optimistic, life is full of rainbows and unicorns girl.

So, last night, we had a long talk. And we agreed that we have to make time for each other. The best thing we can give the kids (and ourselves) is the gift of having two parents who love each other. We rarely, if ever, fight. But do we show each other how much we love each other? Or have we taken it for granted that we'll always be there?

That's a dangerous game to play. And we don't want to play it. We've made a decision to live as if the other has amnesia... and fall in love all over again.

Well, we've never fallen out of love. I guess, I could say... we've decided to remind each other of why we fell in love in the first place. And to keep reminding each other... again and again and again.

So, I encourage you to take a moment and ask yourself what would happen if your spouse or significant other had amnesia and woke up not remembering you. Would he or she fall in love with you again?

Go home and start reminding each other now. Don't wait until it's too late. Don't wait until complacency gets the best of you.

It's the best gift you can give yourself.

Well, we had our bake sale and raffle on Saturday. We didn't make a lot on the bake sale, but coupled with the raffle tickets that we've been selling for the last few weeks, we made about $2150!

THANK YOU!!

We held our drawing at 2:00pm and all winners have already been notified.

1st prize: Emmitt Smith Football went to Julie H.

2nd prize: iPod Touch went to Steve K.

3rd prize: Wii went to Amy B.

I really, really wish that everyone could have won. It broke my heart that we had to stop drawing names after three... but I have to remember that we raised a lot of money for Sarah's kids and that was the purpose of the raffle.

We're talking with Sarah about her "wish list" for the kids and I believe the money raised will go a long way to purchasing items off the list. I'll take pictures of all the things we're bringing and post them here closer to to time to leave.

And, in case you haven't checked out Sarah's blog, she's not going to be receiving the 10 new kids that she had asked for.... she's going to be receiving 24!!

This money will be a huge blessing for her and the kids at SCH. Thanks again to everyone who donated! You really are making a difference!

Tomorrow's our big bake sale and raffle for Sarah's Covenant Homes. If you missed the original post, you can find it HERE. Our goal was to raise $1500 for Sarah's kids and so far we've raised $1315!!

$380 of that was through online donations and $935 was raised locally or through generous bloggers who sent money through the mail. Thank you so much!!

We are $185 short of our goal. If anyone would like to buy a ticket (s) online, you would need to do so by 7:30 CST tomorrow MORNING. We'll be leaving shortly after that to set up the bake sale, so all online tickets need to be purchased soon.

We'll be holding the drawing at 2:00pm tomorrow afternoon at a local grocery store and all winners will be notified by 5:00pm CST. I'll also announce first names and locations on my blog.

Thanks again to everyone who has helped make this fundraiser a success. I cannot begin to express how in awe I am of everyone who has stepped up to help. There have been so many heartwarming donations that just make me want to cry thinking about them, but I don't know if I have permission to share them on the blog... but, just know, that I've found that it's people who need the money the most that give it so freely. I have never in my life seen so many generous, selfless donations.

I hope you all know that you are making a major contribution towards changing someone's life. I'm not going to forget this. I'm going to let you know exactly what we get with this money - YOUR money. And I'll keep you informed and we'll take plenty of pictures.... and, well, I don't know. I just want you all to feel a part of it - because this could not have happened - would not
have happened with YOU.

So thank you all so much - and here's hoping we meet our goal!

Just to refresh your memory:

Tickets are $5 each or 5 for $20.

1st prize: Wilson NFL game ball autographed by Emmitt Smith
2nd prize: iPod Touch 16gb
3rd prize: Nintendo Wii

Soooo.... who's feeling lucky?

Wow, what's up with me and the absentee blogging, huh? Maybe I'm just in a blogging funk or something, but I just haven't felt like getting on here lately. Nothing's wrong - nothing like that - but I do get this way from time to time and I guess this is one of those times. Of course, this probably means that I'll be blogging like a mad fiend for the next week or so... that's kind of my pattern. :-)

So now, instead of writing short little posts about this or that, I have to cram everything into a very lengthy, very wordy, possibly sleep-inducing post.

Let's see. What's been going on?

Well, RAD behaviors are on the rise in our little household. If I'm gone from blogging for awhile, you can generally assume that it's something behavior related.

Nandi received botox injections a week ago and I swear her RAD behaviors have gone through the roof. Things had gotten 90% better over the last month. 90%!! She was such a joy to be around... it was like the spring and the summer were some horrible nightmare that I actually got to wake up from...but then we went and let her have botox on her leg and BAM! right back to where we were last Spring.... and just let me say that it was the day after her botox injections at the end of February when her behavior took a nose dive.

I had mentioned it over the summer to her neurologist but he kind of dismissed it saying that he's never heard of botox injections causing a personality change. But the day after she got them last Thursday, she tried to choke me, kicked Noah in the head, and her speech started slurring. Lots and lot of baby talk. "Nandi, would you like a snack?" "Gaa! Gaa! Gaa gaaa ga!"

And her poor teacher! She's begging us not to let Nandi get botox again. She remembers the instant behavior changes in the classroom after February and now she looks like death warmed over every time she brings Nandi to the van when school's over. I swear I see relief in her eyes as we pull away at the end of each day.

So that's what's going on with Nandi.

With Eli, he's working us over pretty good. He's such a great, sweet kid. A heart of gold. But boy does he try to manipulate his momma. And he and Nandi are like oil and water. Thank goodness all our neighbors are elderly and hard of hearing b/c if we lived in the suburbs, I'm sure the cops would've been called out to our house about 79 times already. They are 98% voicebox, I swear they are. It's insane.

Right now, we've decided to keep Eli in public school. For my sanity mostly. And I'm not ashamed to admit it. Okay, I do admit that I mourn not being able to homeschool. I look at these homeschooling families and read all these homeschooling blogs and I want that - so badly. I want our kids to sit around the table as a family with each child doing their school work and me reading stories outloud to them as they drink hot chocolate. I dream of fieldtrips and making lapbooks and doing science experiments in the backyard. But it's just not going to happen. Sometimes it makes me feel like a failure - makes me feel that we're just pretty dysfunctional, really. But Sim keeps reminding me that we're dealing with a lot of issues - more than most families.

So I'm slowly coming to grips with the fact that we're a different kind of normal. And I have to learn to build a life around that.

By the way, it seems that Eli does really well once he's IN school. He loves it. But when he's home he just complains all the time. And not lightly. Like, REALLY complains. All. The. Time. But only with me. Never with Sim. Figures. Hmmph!

His teachers are still having to drag him out of the van each morning - bribing him with promises of being class leader that day or getting a treat out of the treat jar. Yesterday, one of the teachers finally saw the smirk he turned and gave me as he got out of the car with 3 teachers surrounding him. Attention seeker. You think? I told him yesterday after school that the gig is up. That the teacher saw his smirk and he looked absolutely crestfallen.

He also looked like the cat who swallowed the canary. So I didn't feel too guilty about bursting his bubble.

Honestly, I have high expectations that he's going to be an Oscar winning actor one day, make loads of money, and buy me a motorhome with a year's worth of gas.

It's a simple dream, really. One that I desperately cling onto.

Oh, by the way. We've started giving him two sprays of Bach's Rescue Remedy Sleep Aid before he goes to bed. The last two nights he hasn't woken up with night terrors or anxiety - at all! I highly recommend the stuff. We bought it at Whole Foods.

That brings us to Noah. I guess one of the reasons I haven't been blogging - besides breaking up constant fights of "I had it first! No, I did!" is that I'm trying to spend as much time as I can with Noah. I have 2 hours with him all alone each morning before we leave to pick up Nandi from Pre-K, so I just try to cram in as much time as possible with him. And, generally, when the kids are watching cartoons after school (Yep, I let my kids watch cartoons. Oh, the shame!) I hang out with Noah in his room and try to understand a bit of his world.

Last night, I spent 30 minutes just imitating him spinning wheels on his car. He would spin and spin the wheels and then touch his hand or his foot or his tongue to the wheel until it stopped. At one point, I asked him if I could try and I stuck my tongue out and he looked at me and pushed the wheel towards me just a little bit.

I know it seems like nothing, but any parent of a child who has severe autism knows that that's a huge breakthrough. I mean, Noah is great and cuddly and giggly and all, but he generally likes to be left alone and all past tries of interacting with him in his room ended up with him turning his back to me. So this is really good.

You know how on Noah's birthday I confessed that God had told me that he'd talk one day? Well, I didn't tell the whole story. I asked God how. What do I need to do? Because I'm one of those moms that will try anything. And we have. We've tried everything. We've been to every doctor. Every therapist. I'm great at scouting out new therapies for Noah. But God told me - very clearly - that the only thing I needed to do was to spend time with him. Spend time with Noah. That was all.

And you know what? That's the one thing that is the hardest thing in the world for me to do. Because it's time consuming. And there's no feedback. No interaction. No, "Wow Mom, you're awesome. I love spending time with you!" It's constant rejection. Constant. So all this time, all these years, I've been seeking out therapists and doctors and anyone or anything that could help Noah get better - and it all comes down to just spending time with him.

So that's what I'm doing. You'd think after 7 years of doing this that I'd be in a better place of healing and understanding. But it's constantly evolving. You can't put a timeline on grief. You just can't. And each day I get a little closer to seeing the big picture and God's plan for Noah's life.

That's not to say that I don't still seek out therapies and such. But all the therapies we're doing are things I can do myself with Noah at home. That I can do while spending time with him.

So there you go.

All the reasons why I haven't been blogging. Oh. And I've rediscovered the joy of reading again. I swear my English degrees ruined reading for me. For years I couldn't pick up a book without doing an internal lit crit analysis of it. And I don't count therapy books and autism books and RAD books as light, fun chick lit, either. But recently, I've started reading again. And I love it. My mom introduced me to Janet Evanovich's Stephanie Plum series and I read all 19 books (the 15 numbered and the 4 in betweens) in 6 weeks. (I'm a super fast reader.) A few days ago, I picked up an Emily Giffin book at our local used bookstore and now I'm hooked on her books. I have to sit in the car rider lane at Eli's school for 45 minutes each day. (Don't get me started on that rant and rave!). But Nandi falls asleep and Noah plays with his cars, so it gives me 45 minutes to read each day. I only have two Emily Giffin books left and then I'm out of books. Suggestions, please! Need suggestions!

Ahh, wow. I totally unloaded a weeks worth of stuff in one blog post. Are you exhausted? I feel, surprisingly, refreshed. Blogging therapy. Cheaper than seeing a psych and less fattening than chocolate. Which by the way, I have totally and utterly given up. My new vice is olives. Jalapeno stuffed olives. Garlic stuffed olives. Almond stuffed olives. Olives, olives, olives. It doesn't quite have the same ring as, "I locked my self in the bathroom with a pint of Ben & Jerry's!", but it'll do. :-)

Hope everyone has a great weekend!