The-Courier-recoveringnoah

Where oh where
Oh where oh where
Oh where oh where do I start?

There have been so many things on and so many different emotions going on that I am definitely going to have to break down this post into several smaller ones. Otherwise, you might all get overwhelmed... kind of like I've been these last few days.

And, let's face it, I'm not exactly known for my brevity, am I? And since I want you all to come back, I'll try to post several little "here's what's going on" posts over the next few days.

The first one will just be to tell you what our typical day has been like and why I've not been posting as much lately.

Basically, it's impossible to get anything done unless

a) the kids are asleep or
b) Sim is home

That's it, really.

Here's a scenario from a typical day...

Wake up around 5:30 and quickly check email. Look at Pilates DVD and wish that I could blink my eyes like a genie and have a super hot body. Put DVD down and vow to start tomorrow. Go to kitchen, put on the kettle, and make some coffee.

Child 1 wakes up at 5:45 and is in bad mood because he didn't get enough sleep. Or maybe it's just because that's simply how Child 1 is... don't know. He immediately starts yelling that he's hungry and demanding that I feed him and then starts a 15 hour marathon of incessant nonstop nonsensical chatter. "Is tomorrow Christmas? Do you see this rock? This is my pet rock. I want it to have a birthday party and get lots of presents. What did you think when you saw my pet rock? Did you think it was the coolest pet rock ever? Is my pet rock scared of thunderstorms? Can I take it to the store? Why can't I take it to the store? It's my favorite!"

Child 1 then spots a book. "This is my favorite book ever. Did I get it for my birthday? Who got it for me? Can I have another one? I want it to sit next to me at the table when I eat? Do books eat? What do books eat? Are books made of paper? What did the book say when it was made of paper? What did you think when you saw my book? Can I take my book in the car? But it's my favorite book ever!"

Child 1 asks, "What are we doing today? Where are we going? Who are we going to see? Why are we going to Walmart?"

5 minutes later, "Why are we going to Walmart? Where are we going again? Can I buy a toy? Why can't I buy a toy? Can I bring my T-rex? But it's my favorite T-rex ever! Where are we going tomorrow? Are we going to Walmart today or tomorrow? Is it Friday tomorrow? Is tomorrow summer? Is tomorrow Christmas? What are we doing today?"

Are you exhausted yet?

Child 1's nonstop chatter, bossing, barking, talking wakes up Child 2 which immediately puts Child 1 in a bad mood. Child 2 senses this and immediately starts digging into Child 1 by grabbing his teddy bear, walking next to him and "accidentally" brushing her hand against his head... which irritates Child 1 who then starts screaming.

Child 2 gets excited and grabs whatever toy is currently Child 1's favorite and runs around the room with it and throws it at him and hits him. Child 1, who once actually had a huge rage over the fact that an animal cracker fell on his toe, falls to the floor and writhes around moaning and shouting.

Miraculously, Child 3 sleeps throughout all of this. God bless Child 3.

Child 2 walks to the fridge as if she owns it and starts pulling things out of the fridge. Mom racks her brain for all the attachment parenting phrases that she's learned from the last few weeks and starts doing positive parenting.

Child 2 looks at mom, smirks, then takes a full box of cereal, tips it over, and shakes it all over the floor. Mom looks at the mess and either says, "Hmmm.. that was an interesting choice", steps over the cereal and carries on washing the dishes or calmly goes to the pantry and hands Child 2 the broom and dustpan.

Child 2 smirks, and pulls the dogs tail. Then goes over to Child 1 and hits him. Child 1 goes berserk and wants a hug. Mom hugs Child 1 and Child 2 goes over and start pulling open all the drawers in the kitchen and emptying them. Mom shuts the drawers and Child 2 starts throwing everything off the kitchen counters.

Mom calmly picks everything up or leaves it on the floor. Child 2 goes to bookcase and starts throwing books at Mom's body. Mom kneels down and hugs Child 2 and tells her that she loves her and will never leave her. Child 2 tries to poke out Mom's eyes. Mom says "No, we use our hands for loving not for hitting" and Child 2 bites Mom on the face. Mom loses her patience and takes Child 2 to her room and sits with her on the bed. Mom gets bit 7 times in the process.

Mom must learn a better way to carry Child 2.

Child 2 destroys room. Sheets are stripped from the bed, drawers emptied, the few toys that remain are thrown into the living room. Child 2 screams that everyone is "Stinky!!" and then runs into the bathroom and turns on the faucet and tries to flood the bathroom.

By now, it's 6:30 in the morning.

This scenario is repeatedly played throughout the day. And this is just Child 2, mind you. And I'm not even going into detail about some of the tricks that are pulled. Believe it or not, there are some things that I won't put on here.

Oh, and this doesn't go into the antics and rages and fits pulled by Child 1 either. I actually have started videotaping some of his rages. Man, I wish I could post them on here, but that would probably be a huge violation of his privacy. I know, I know... here I am posting about the goings-on in our house and yet I'm rambling about privacy.

I'm a woman of contradictions.

Child 1 actually raged for an hour yesterday and I finally got the video out and taped him. Five minutes after he stopped, he asked if he could earn a toy back from the garage and I said no. He looked me in the eye and said, "But I've been so good today." I walked to the bookshelf, picked up the video camera, and played back the tape. He just laughed.

Hmmmm....

Anyway, I know full well that some of you are thinking, "Why don't you bust their butt?" Okay. I hate to admit this, but we have busted their butt. And it doesn't work. "Well, you didn't do it hard enough." Ummm... no, we probably did.

Look, I've said for a long time... especially with Child 1... that spanking doesn't work. Star charts don't work. Taking away privileges doesn't work. For Child 2... she isn't attached to anything but her blanket. She breaks every new toy within 5 minutes of getting it. We have tried every reward system you can think of... and spanking... she actually thrives on it.

So what kind of child would actually want to get spanked? What kind of child doesn't respond to traditional star charts or taking away privileges???

A child with attachment disorder. Or a child with brain trauma or neurological disorder or psychological disorder.

The one thing that we picked up on right away in the books and the therapy session with the attachment therapist is that traditional parenting does NOT work.

The problem is that RAD parenting is like doing a new dance that I don't know the steps to or speaking a language that I haven't yet learned.

And, just like autism, it's a spectrum and there are so many different techniques to use and nobody can say, "Here's the one that will make your child better." It's trial and error.

I'll post later about why we think Child 2 (and maybe Child 1?) got to be how they are and let you know some of the ways we're trying to help them.

In the meantime, if any of you want to stop over for breakfast... we've got a new box of Gorilla Munch on the floor. Some dishes, too. Oh... and there's lots of reading material scattered across the floor, as well. Our floor is basically a one-stop shop. But you'll have to go next door to use the bathroom. It's flooded and we can't flush the toilet.

We're pretty sure a certain someone flushed down a bunch of wet wipes.